


Guilty

by Hellokaelyn



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 15:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18626215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn
Summary: There was one sound swirling through his head. It wasn't the sound of the judge's gavel, it wasn't the sound of the whispered muttering that broke out behind him, it wasn't the talking of his lawyer, and it wasn't even the word ‘guilty’ that felt like it would swallow him whole. It was the sound of the strangled gasp that came from behind him. Like the person suddenly forgot how to breathe and was choking.





	Guilty

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the season 4 finale storyline of b99. Sorry guys I love angsty Nick! (well..as long as it has a happy ending).

There was one sound swirling through his head. It wasn't the sound of the judge's gavel, it wasn't the sound of the whispered muttering that broke out behind him, it wasn't the talking of his lawyer, and it wasn't even the word ‘guilty’ that felt like it would swallow him whole.  
  
It was the sound of the strangled gasp that came from behind him. Like the person suddenly forgot how to breathe and was choking. Along with that sound was the image of her face forever branded in his mind.  
  
As if her whole world had come crashing down.  
  
Her shuddering heartbroken ‘Nick!’ was the next sound that played on repeat in his head.  
  
Nick had felt tears fall, not caring about all the eyes on him, as he was led away from her.  
  
Ellie shouting his name in anguish was the last thing he heard before the doors shut behind him. He didn't look back. He didn't see her collapse only being held up by Gibbs and McGee, he didn't see the tears from everyone even Gibbs who quickly schooled his expression, he didn't see Jimmy being the one to carry her out because her legs were too weak.  
  
25 years for murder.  
  
25 years for a crime he didn't commit.

* * *

  
  
It was like her sanity was being held together by a thread.  
  
A week since Nick was found guilty. A week since she last saw him.  
  
She still hadn't been to their apartment. Ellie knew she would breakdown if she did, and there was no time for that when the person framing Nick and the real murderer was free. There were plenty of people working the case but she'd be damned if she wasted time.  
  
There had been a lot of changes.  
  
Ellie had been staying in a spare room at Gibbs’ house having to be forced to do anything if it didn't involve working the case, Abby had returned to help joining forces with Kasie, Delilah and even Breena usually being found in the lab, Fornell forming his own small team with former FBI colleagues he trusted, Alex temporarily returning to help, Tony coming from Paris with Ziva in tow, it had been a shock and there had been anger but now wasn't the time. Nick's life and sanity depended on it.  
  
He was a federal agent stuck in prison. A federal agent in prison with guys he helped put away.

* * *

  
  
Two weeks since that day was when Ellie was finally able to visit him.  
  
They both struggled not to cry as they held each other tightly in the five minutes of touching that was allowed. Nick was mindful of other inmates watching as he tried his best to school his expression when the guard yelled at them to pull away.  
  
“It's so good to see you.” Nick said a little breathlessly from across the table.  
  
Ellie swallowed, her eyes roaming every inch of him she could see. “I missed you so much.”  
  
“I missed you too.” He said quietly. Ellie felt anger spark in her that he had to say it so quietly, she wasn't clueless to the stares, eyes waiting for something they could use against him later.  
  
She also wasn't clueless to the changes in him already and her heart broke knowing it was only going to get worse. The darkness in his eyes, the weary tired look, the paleness to his skin, the facial hair growing thicker, and she didn't miss the cuts on his knuckles.  
  
Ellie was terrified. If this was just from two weeks, would he even survive the full 25? would he even survive a year?  
  
It made the fire in her grow. She'd solve it, even if it's the last thing she did.  
  
“Ellie.” Nick said, pulling her out of her thoughts. “Promise me something.”  
  
“What's that?”  
  
“Be careful.” He whispered. “Figuring out who's behind this isn't worth you.”  
  
Ellie smiled.  
  
“I promise.”  
  
_I'm sorry Nick, but this is one promise I can't keep._

* * *

  
  
Nick laid on the hard as a rock mattress, staring at the top bunk watching as it moved from his cellmate twisting in their sleep above him.  
  
He closed his eyes even though he knew sleep wouldn't come. Not sleeping wasn't new to him especially from his years undercover but things had changed. He had become use to sleeping a good few hours a night, had become use to sleeping next to Ellie.  
  
It was hard to sleep without her next to him, combined with the fear of actually sleeping, the sound of his cellmate constantly shifting around or snoring, the guards pacing down the cell block, the sound of other inmates.  
  
Nick turned over to face the wall next to his bed. Ellie's picture staring at him. He pressed his fingers against his lips before putting them to her picture.  
  
_I love you_ He said in his head, not daring to even whisper.  
  
He swallowed roughly feeling the lump in his throat and the tears filling his eyes.  
  
Nick covered his mouth as a sob left him.  
  
Once again there was a shift above him, and somehow Nick knew his cellmate was awake and hearing him cry but he couldn't bring himself to care. It wasn't the first time.

* * *

  
  
After visiting Nick, Ellie decided to brave going to their apartment. If she couldn't do this, how would she cope if... _if_ they couldn't get Nick out.  
  
Everyone from Vance to Fornell had offered to come with her but this was something she needed to do alone.  
  
It didn't take long for tears to cloud her vision when she stepped inside.  
  
Nick's shoes by the door instead of on the shoe rack like she had told him multiple times before to do, pictures lining the apartment walls with his face staring back, his favorite beer in the fridge along with an empty bottle still on the counter, a bowl of fruit on the table that he insisted they have, his _Die Hard_ DVD case still laying open on the coffee table, his shampoo bottle that had fallen in the tub, his hair products lining the bathroom shelf, his sweater still on the bed that she didn't hesitate to slip on. Ellie pulled up the collar to her nose and closed her eyes. Her heart ached imagining his smell disappearing the longer he was gone.  
  
Ellie walked to his dresser, opening the bottom draw to shift around for her favorite sweater of his. Her hands gripped the sweater, yanking it from it's tucked in position in the draw.  
  
She went to close the draw..until she saw it.  
  
A small box at the bottom.  
  
Her breath caught as she reached for it. Heart racing, she slowly opened it.  
  
Ellie covered her mouth, a sudden sob leaving her as she stared at the beautiful ring.  
  
Nick had a ring. An engagement ring.  
  
Dropping to the floor, she clutched his sweater against her chest as she cried.  
  
She didn't realize how badly she wanted to marry him until that moment. Ellie knew she wanted no one for the rest of her life but Nick, but when thinking of their happy future she barely considered getting married thinking it wasn't something he wanted.  
  
But _god_ did she want to marry him. She wanted him to say those four words, wanted him to slip the ring on her finger as she said yes a million times, wanted to hold his hands as they said their I do's, wanted to kiss him as husband and wife in front of friends and family, wanted to be nervous and terrified as she showed him the pregnancy test, wanted to experience it all for the first time with him, wanted to watch his loving eyes as he looked at their baby for the first time. Ellie wanted it all with him.  
  
Ellie prayed to every God there was.  
  
_Please._  
  
_I can't live without him._  
  
_Please._

* * *

  
Nick sat on his bed with a sharp intake of breath and a hiss feeling the pressure on his bruised ribs.  
  
“Here.”  
  
He grabbed the cloth given to him, wiping the blood from his face.  
  
“Thanks.” He mumbled, wincing as he moved to lay down.  
  
His cellmate, Ryan, crossed his arms and leaned against the bunk rails. “Least you got some punches in yourself.”  
  
Nick snorted. Carlos, or Tank as he was known, was a guy way bigger than Nick so he really didn't stand much of a chance. “I guess.”  
  
Ryan huffed in annoyance. Nick knew it was from not being able to get a few hits in himself, two of Tank's guys had held Ryan back knowing he was the only one who would be on Nick's side.  
  
They weren't friends or anything, but they stuck together in this shithole knowing they both wouldn't last otherwise.  
  
Nick was innocent and a federal agent after all, and Ryan was a criminal (even if Nick most days didn't actually think so because he couldn't blame the guy for killing his ex's boyfriend who beat her). It was just an alliance of sorts.  
  
“Aren't you seeing your girl tomorrow?” Ryan raised an eyebrow. “You're gonna look like shit.”  
  
“Fuck.” Nick groaned out.  
  
Ryan smirked, finding it amusing. Nick wanted to smack the look right off his face.  
  
He had been trying hard to hide his constant injuries from Ellie, but he had been here two months and Nick knew it wouldn't be easing up.  
  
Usually they left his face alone knowing it would gather attention from the guards, no such luck this time. His jaw clenched thinking of how weak he was in this damn place. It was hard to be tough and badass when it was him against a group of ruthless guys with only Ryan fighting on his side sometimes.

* * *

  
Fire spread through her veins as she stormed up Gibbs’ porch, throwing the door open so hard it slammed against the wall. It wasn't hard for the group gathered in the living room to see the anger burning in her eyes. Tony, Ziva, and McGee shared a look as Gibbs stood walking over to her.  
  
“He's getting _beat_!” She shouted. “I walk in there to see a cut and a bruise on his face, which is one thing but then when I hugged him he flinched! His whole body is _covered in bruises_!”  
  
Ellie was breathing heavy as she finished, hands clenched into fists.  
  
Ziva jumped up, putting her hands on Ellie's shoulders as she directed her towards the basement that was devoid of a boat, instead in its place was a punching bag.  
  
They didn't speak as Ziva put the gloves on her.  
  
“Hit it.” Ziva said sternly.  
  
Ellie didn't need to be told twice.  
  
By the end her knuckles felt sore, anger still ran through her but she no longer felt like it was choking her, and her breathing was heavy from exhaustion instead.  
  
Ziva handed her a water that she immediately chugged down.  
  
“Just say the word.”  
  
Ellie looked at her in confusion. “What?”  
  
“Say the word and I will gather my people.” Ziva said in a low tone, making sure no one else heard even though they were the only ones in the basement.  
  
“Ziva?”  
  
She placed her hands on Ellie's shoulders looking her in the eye. “To break Nick out. I can give you everything you need to run and hide.”  
  
A small ‘oh’ left her lips. “Ziva I- as good as that sounds at the moment..you know I couldn't do that.”  
  
Ziva smiled. “I know. But the offer still stands.”  
  
As Ziva wrapped her in a hug, Ellie gripped the back of her shirt tightly.  
  
After that day they worked harder, but it was as if the person behind it all was a ghost.  


* * *

  
Four months in was when things took a turn.  
  
Nick felt sick to his stomach whenever he saw Ellie now. Anyone who visited really, but mostly her.  
  
What would she think of him if she knew? Would she pull away in disgust? Would she walk out of the visitors room never to return, leaving him here to his 25 years only to come out of this completely alone? Would she say she didn't know who he was anymore?  
  
He would just have to make sure she never found out.  
  
Make sure she never found out about how four of Tank's guys held him tightly, how Tank who Nick found out was moving drugs in the prison had smirked evilly standing in front of him.  
  
_Ever try meth before Torres?_  
  
Before prison Nick could have answered with a no, the closest he came was faking it during undercover.  
  
Not anymore.  
  
Nick had tried to fight, he tried so hard. But with his body weakened from the horrible meals and still fresh bruises, he didn't stand a chance.  
  
Tank's laugh still rang in his ears. _Think that bitch of yours is gonna want your ass now Torres? Ain't that blondie gonna want a guy like you now. You just as fucked up as the rest of us._  
  
Ellie could never find out he knew what being high on meth felt like. Could never find out how when he crashed down from the high, he almost wished it hadn't worn off.  
  
How when Tank whispered in his ear, his hand lingering too long on Nick's arm, that he could have more..Nick felt a twinge of want for it. It was the most alive he'd felt in months as it coursed through his body.  
  
No. Ellie could never know.

* * *

  
She knew something had happened. Something had changed.  
  
Nick suddenly became closed off, his eyes searching every inch of the room as he avoided her gaze when it became too long.  
  
And the way when they had their five minute hug, it was as if he was fighting with himself. Part of him wanted to hold her close, while the other tensed up wanting for it to just end.  
  
It was around that time they finally.. _finally_ had a name.  
  
Rafael Perez.  
  
As in, the brother of Sofia Perez. Nick's first love and childhood best friend.  
  
Rafael according to Mrs. Perez had always been unstable in a way, but became so much worse after Sofia died. He was angry and looking for someone to blame no matter the fact it was cancer and not anyone's fault.  
  
Nick just so happened to be the one he focused that anger on. Spending years building his plans letting the anger grow into something sinister.  
  
He had killed, just to pin it on Nick and make him suffer.  
  
They were positive it wasn't Rafael's only victim.

* * *

  
Six months. That's how long it took for them to build a solid enough case with enough evidence. It was hard for them to keep denying Nick was innocent when they connected the murder he was found guilty for to five other murders, all of which Nick had solid alibis for, and eventually they were able to connect Rafael to every victim in some way.  
  
Nick walked out of the gate surrounding the prison with that spark in his eye no longer there, thinner, bruises still scattered along his body, and with the weight of the world on his shoulders.  
  
Ellie watched him walk out with an ache in her heart. It wasn't the Nick she remembered, but love still filled her looking at him. He needed to heal and she wasn't going anywhere no matter how long it took.  
  
None of it mattered though when Ellie ran to him, their lips crashing together and arms holding each other tightly.  
  
Nick felt the warmth that left his body the second he heard the word ‘guilty’ come back to him full force. Ellie whimpered against him, as if their bodies that were flushed together weren't close enough. They pulled away breathing heavily, their foreheads against each other.  
  
“I love you.” Nick whispered.  
  
“I love you too.” She whispered back.  
  
“I'm never leaving you again.” He mumbled, finger moving a piece of hair out of her face.  
  
A smile formed on her lips. “Sounds perfect to me.”  
  
Hours later after Nick showered, ate, and slept, he pressed her down on the bed leaving kisses along her body with every inch of skin revealed with the removal of her clothes.  
  
They spent the rest of the night into the early hours of the morning in bed. They switched from rough desperate sex to sweet and loving, Nick mumbled his love for her against her skin no matter what and Ellie digging her nails into his back making sure she wasn't dreaming.  
  
Many people wanted to see him but for now, it was only them that existed.


End file.
